So often I hear people say ‘I hate the way my voice sound!’ But what are we really saying? Why do so many of us hate the way our voice sound? Research shows that an average person speaks 7000 words each day and some far more than that, that is a lot of ‘sound’ to dislike about yourself.
O.K. so you might say, ‘I don’t mind my speaking voice but it’s my singing voice I have a problem with. Simple test… Record yourself speaking for at least 30 seconds to a minute and do the same for singing. Play it back and ask yourself, are you comfortable listening to either of the two recordings? Which one are you most at ease with? Which one would you be willing to have a group of people sit and listen to?
If the answer is, you are happy and completely comfortable with both, then that is great and you are somewhat rare. However, if you have a dis-ease with either of your recordings, then like the masses, there is work to do. And that work is, to fall in love with your voice. After all, your voice is part of who you are and we all deserve to be loved.
When I was growing up, my mum had a tape recorder. Looking back, it was a state-of-the-art machine. One of the most entertaining features on this device was its ability to record my voice onto cassette tapes. The machine had a built-in microphone and so I would spend hours recording stories and songs and anything else that I could get my hands on. I would then play it back, to the annoyance of my great aunt who would often say ‘Turn that thing off, you sound like you are deaf when you sing.’ (Not very nice, I know, that was just how she was, during a time where political correctness was barely mentioned.) At the time being so young, I would protest, not because I recognized that what she was saying was harmful in anyway but because
I just wanted to have some fun!
Many years later, as I became more self-aware, I no longer found it as appealing to record and listen to my own voice. And as I began to face vocal insecurities, I realize that experiences and comments, both positive and negative, even if you are unaware at the time, impact and shape your vocal destiny. Our vocal confidence stems from an array of building blocks that create the foundation and platform of the way we feel about voices today.
So often I hear people say, ‘I used to love singing as a child but I can’t or wouldn’t sing now.’ As I delve deeper into why people say the ‘can’t’ word, I hear reasons such as, the choir leader at my primary school told me this that or the other or I used to sing when I was young but one day I had a negative experience and I haven’t felt comfortable singing since. (If only we would be more mindful of what we say to others about their voices especially children.)
We need to realize that when we criticize the voice of others, we are criticizing who they are. Whilst conducting private singing lesson, I notice and witness many of my students fighting hard to overcome the fear of being vulnerable when they sing, which leads me to wonder…
What is it about the voice that makes us feel so insecure? Could it be that unlike the rest of ourselves, the voice is totally naked? I mean, we wake up each day and we put on clothes and some wear make-up but what can the voice be dressed or covered with? Of course, there is a small minority of people who are quite happy to bare all, but the majority feel more comfortable clothed in some shape or form when not alone.
The dangers of not loving your own voice
Most people say that if they could, they would change an aspect of themselves. For some, it’s a part of their face, perhaps a different shaped nose, mouth, eyes or even different hair. For others, they would change some part of their body, such as having more muscle tone, a smaller waist, weighing less and the list goes on. What do we do when there is something about ourselves, we don’t like? We cover it up, hide it, draw attention away from it and if it is possible, we even change it. But what happens if we don’t like our own voice? What can we do about that? Do we put the same effort and care into our voice as we do into the rest of our being? If not, why not?
How do we convince, portray and make an impact in such a vast world, with the very tool we dislike? Of course, there are many other ways to communicate but as we all know, the voice plays such an important role. How do we live freely and fulfil our true potential whilst remaining silent due to fear and aversion? We often forget that our voice is a major part of who we are. There is no one else in the world like us and therefore, no one else has a voice like ours.
When I mentioned my great aunt at the beginning of this blog, I’m sure most of you thought ‘how cruel,’ and yes, you’re right, but if we are honest, how many negative thoughts and words have we consciously and subconsciously said to ourselves about our own voice or even the voice of others.
I lose track of the number of students that I hear during their singing lessons saying, ‘that was awful, dreadful, wrong’ or ‘I can’t, this is so hard, I sound terrible!’ As their teacher, I can often hear that what they are describing is so far from the truth. It is also very interesting for me to observe that the way they describe their voice is so different to the way they describe others. Showing love, kindness and appreciation to others but not to ourselves is a recipe for self-destruction.
How do we fall in love with our voice?
We can only fall in love with our voice when we truly learn how to love and appreciate ourselves. (Sounds cheesy I know, but it’s true.) When we separate our voice from the rest of our being, it stops us from appreciating who we truly are as a whole. When we recognize the uniqueness and value of our individual sound, it allows us to develop our voice freely in a way that we may not have even thought possible.
Miles Davis the famous trumpeter and famous Jazz musician famously said “Man, sometimes it takes you a long time to sound like yourself.”
So go on, fall in love with your voice, because no one else can!
Make sure you also read my blog about The Most Musical Fire Alarm Ever and learn from my experience about your being a singer!
